Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Letting Go is Not Giving Up, Settling is Not Letting Go

This post was inspired by a recent conversation I had with a close friend about learning to let go and trust that we won’t end up settling.At the moment of our conversation I said what came to my mind trying to bring some perspective and bounce off ideas of each other. However, as the hours passed and I got into a more meditative state where I could clearly hear my thoughts and listen to my Higher Self and my Guides more, things kept popping up for me as well as the need to write them.

We all hear about "letting go" and it is true that in some cases doing that feels like giving up, which is definitely not the same thing! But settling for something that seems ok, or is what everyone tells us to do/be is not trusting and letting go either.Most of us have heard that life isn't easy, that you have to work hard for what you want, that everyone has to grow up at some point, that we all have to do things we don't like because that's what life is, etc… Lies! All lies! That's the illusion and the fear talking, don't give into that. The system is broken and in serious need of a reboot, the only way to do that is by being your higher, most authentic self and allow yourself to go for what makes you really happy. Most people in the system eventually get tired of seemingly going against the current by pursuing childhood dreams and they settle, they get a job and find some romantic partner to get entangled with and accept that that's their "fate" ‘cuz everyone else is doing it. Most people are not truly happy, deep, deep down there's a voice screaming at them, letting them know it's not right but they drown it with substances like alcohol or mindless activities and think that's the highest level of happiness they can get. Others are so good at lying to themselves that genuinely feel they haven't settled even when the Universe keeps yelling at them and throwing curveballs their way (in the form of “random accidents, health issues or bad luck”) to wake up and change courses before it's too late. Still, even when not really happy and fulfilled people hold on tight to their fears, prejudices and judgements, not letting life happen for fear of the unknown. Life is really not meant to be hard or complicated and we didn't come here to suffer, work or be what everyone else wants us to be. We came here to break away from the duality, learn to be love for ourselves and others and just enjoy what is like to have a physical form, without unhealthy attachments and entanglements!

From my level of understanding and how I experienced them all here’s how I see the difference between fighting against, giving up, settling and letting go:

-Fighting against life, is when you put yourself in victim mode, trying with all your might to go against the current unwilling to accept your responsibility as co-creator of your reality and not realizing you manifested your current situation. It is being unwilling to learn the lessons and see the beauty of what you have and therefore being unwilling to make the best with what is being presented to you at the moment to bring forth the outcome you actually want. If we were in an ocean here’s where we kick and scream in a frenzy making our situation worst and we choke on salt water.

-Giving up, just as fighting, is rooted in fear. Giving up usually comes from being exhausted of fighting too much and you end up in a hopeless place where you can’t hear the Universe at all and are unwilling to even put a positive thought forward on your behalf. Instead of realizing we can float or swim with a purpose we begin to drown and let it happen.

-Settling happens again, when we take a lack of responsibility as co-creators of our reality. Being unwilling to believe or unaware of your own powers of manifestation you create a lack of trust. So you don’t really want to drown, but you are believing the lies that life is hard and no one is truly happy, and as you look around your ocean you see people drowning or half drowned and figure “you know? Who cares if I had dreams of something better or if I deserve something nicer than a large piece of rotting driftwood? At least I’m in the same shape or better off than everyone around me”. Settling is loving yourself barely enough to keep yourself afloat, but not enough to go after the things your heart and soul really want. Settling is easy to fall into because it requires very little responsibility and effort on our part.

-Letting Go on the other hand is rooted in Love, Light and Trust. It’s realizing that you’re caught in the tide and even though it is scary at times and everyone around you is madly scrambling for each other or every piece of ugly driftwood and screaming at you to do the same you don’t. You trust that the ocean will keep you buoyant, you let go of people’s expectations of you and of your own preconceptions and float. Letting go it’s smoothly floating knowing that the current will lead you to an amazing place and you don’t have to waste your energy kicking and screaming to get there or avoid it because that’s where you’re meant to go anyway. And in the process you can enjoy the water and the pretty fish and learn from obstacles that might come your way making you stronger and wiser by the time you reach your paradise so you’re ready to enjoy it. 
The best personal example I can give is of the time I had cancer. When you hear you only have 2 days to live it’s a pretty shocking situation and it’s easy to be swept away by fear and listen to the lies (note that I'm not saying people lie on purpose, they are surrounded by so much fear and a mentality of lack that they truly believe all the negativity) of society, and in this case health professionals. But once the shock passed and I committed to stay on the planet, things (physical pain aside) were not that bad. If I had given up I would have died 2 days later and that would have been it. I could have fought my situation and cry all day feeling sorry for myself and complaining about how unfair it was and blame everything but myself and refuse to accept the lessons and blessings that came with it. (You can read all about those here.) I had little energy in those days and wasting it fighting against my condition would not have made me healthier so why even bother? The next option would have been to settle. “Oh this is my life and I’ll go along with what the doctors say, even if my intuition tells me otherwise, and I’ll accept that at least for the next 5 years this will be my life in and out of hospitals.” That would have been awful, who wants that? And yet, lots of people choose that. It's all a matter of choice.
I Instead let go of people’s opinions, fears from others and my own, as well as any need to control life. I peacefully floated, and yes chemo and hospitals were my reality at the moment, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t spend my time making plans with my family about trips we would take when I felt ok, nor did that reality stopped me from taking online classes from the chemo chair to better myself and to actually feel happy; I had new camera equipment I was dying to try out and kept focusing on the times when I would be out of the cancer center and strong enough to lug my camera around again. I let go of doctors opinions and prognosis and lived day by day letting go of expectations of the future but also kept showing the universe what I really wanted. 

I guess in the end letting go just means let go of the ego so you can trust and listen to your intuition and no one else. Let go of expectations and time lines but never of dreams and expectancy of something good or better coming your way.
Here are some other examples that kept coming to mind:
When I was going through chemo my mom slipped on ice and had a triple fracture on her left foot. People immediately went to "that's terrible luck, those poor people,” but in fact it was perfectly meant to be. It was something serious and painful enough to get my mom's attention to slow down and take care of herself and not just me before her health was seriously jeopardized, but it wan't bad enough that we were helpless. It was her left food which even meant she could keep driving me to the doctor! If she had listened to the "bad luck" believers she could easily had given up and wallow and make things harder for both of us, she could also have settled for "this is my lot in life and bad things happen for no reason and who knows if my foot will fully heal.” Or she could let go of her need to control everything and listen to the lesson. It was hard for her to do, especially with everything that was happening but she got there, she didn't believe the lies out of fear of age, life's suffering or bad luck, she also didn't fight against life she let go and now we're both perfect!

Now talking about recent events, a few weeks ago I was in a situation where I kept fighting for a specific outcome. I kept investing all this energy into something I thought I really wanted even though I was miserable doing so. I got so tired once I realized that I had been fighting for it for years and getting nowhere that I decided to give up. 
I was so tired and hurt and angry and fearful of other alternatives that I decided I was giving up for good this time, and if that hurt my future self or threw away all the good from the past then so be it! I just wanted to be free. 
I was in this process of trying to give up from a lower vibrational place, which felt like ripping the proverbial bandaid, painful and slow as this particular bandaid seemed to be embedded in my skin, that I was blind and deaf to my Guides and Angels. Then somewhere along the miserable process of drowning I got this beautiful lesson of "Whatever you're ready for is ready for you.” Which means that if something isn't happening how you want it to, it's probably because a part of us isn't ready for it!
Immediately my mindset shifted, I got a sense of peace as understanding dawned on me, it wasn't a new understanding just something I had forgotten but still felt like I had just discovered Light. If something's meant to be it will be no matter how much I struggle towards it or against it, if it's not meant to be, then there's a reason for that and my struggles won't matter there either.
If I'm not ready for the outcome I thought I wanted I can't force it, the best thing to do is let go of all these preconceptions in my mind, let go of my need to control the big picture I have no way of seeing from my human perspective, and trust that the Universe knows what it's doing. Settling for less than I wanted as long as it was loosely related to my desired outcome even though it's not truly making me happy, and on the contrary is really hurting me, is not an option, but giving up on everything is not an option either. Letting go, knowing that things will be what they are meant to be, in their right time and when I'm ready is by far the best choice and the one that is peaceful and full of Light.

On the other hand I have (or had?) A dear friend who seems to have been worn down by family and society's expectations. She's always putting others first instead of herself, which is a sign of the beautiful, generous person she is inside but also of her lower self-esteem, and she now settled into a relationship her family approved of. Since things got more serious between her and this person a string of "bad luck" keeps happening to her. Of course, as co-creators of our own life there's no such thing as bad luck. Everything that happens is FOR us not TO us, the trick is to stop and really listen to the signs. She hasn't and though she claims to be really happy, from the outside it doesn't look like it and more signs keep being thrown at her by the Universe that keep being ignored. She didn't let go and didn't trust she deserved and could do better, she gave up on finding a better spot for herself in the world and settled. And not only does she seem to be unknowingly trapped in this situation, these signs from the Universe are not fun to go through if you don't listen and have brought her a lot of stress, lack of abundance and worse yet, physical and emotional pain.

So don’t fight life, but don’t settle either. It’s never too late to switch things completely, and life isn’t hard. Even simple things like visualization or constantly talking about your new passion is telling the Universe in a positive and affirmative tone where you want to go and what you want to do. Put your best intentions forward and don’t limit yourself to “I have to pay the bills” or “my parents want me to be a doctor” or “everyone is getting married so I must too.” Go for the dreams and life missions your soul and your inner or past child told you to go for. It requires a lot of courage sometimes to ignore programing that has been there for generations but be brave and figure out which "ocean wave" will probably take you closer to your highest dreams and then just float... Life is easy if you let it and it doesn’t have to be less than you deserve. Enjoy your life, live in the moment, never settle no matter what people tell you but don't give up either, letting go doesn't mean you don't pursue your dreams it just means you trust you deserve them and the Universe knows the best way to get you to them. 😉

All Images are property of Elizabeth Harper from Sealed with Love